We Love and Celebrate Yewwww

The Bolt ride was late, the driver as grumpy as his profile picture. Taiwo had decided he didn't like the driver and he would be silent throughout the ride.

He had been attending TEA for almost two years, around the same time he finally decided to take Christianity seriously. Since then, he had attended no less than 10 different churches with varying beliefs and traditions. No, he didn't try Catholic. He knew from home that they worshipped Mary and didn't really believe in God. They would ask Paul and Peter to pray for them and stand all through the service. He hated having to sit and stand too many times.

And Anglican... "Opay, 80-", he didn't complete the thought when the driver brought him back to reality. He promptly paid and got down from the dirty man's car.

TEA was a big church by most standards. The ushers, really beautiful women, lined the wall way to the hall. Taiwo knew why it was mostly women that were placed there. He knew why he never saw a lady without wigs as one of them. Churches all over had perfected it: if you wanted to attract big men to a church? Put young women as the face of the church. Other young women were drawn in too. Who wouldn't want to look like those angelic damsels everyone seemed to notice all service long?

They cared about him and every member of the church. They didn't just say it, it was true. He saw the lady that complimented his dimples last week. She wouldn't be so specific if it weren't true. The other one with the orange heels helped carry a lovely toddler 3 weeks ago. He saw how she lifted the boy with so much care, stuffing a lollipop in his tiny hands. Their appearance may be questionable, but it didn't matter because they were excellent and God loves intentionality.

They smiled sweetly, "Welcome to church, it is sou gid to see yewwwww, we celebrate yewwww", one even made sustained eye contact with him. It was awkward knowing they were staring at him. His hands didn't know what to do with all that attention, so they hid in his pockets as he smiled his way into the building.

The hall, no, the theatre was massive. It had multiple steps so everyone could see the stage. A chorus of cold, sweetly perfumed air blasted his face. He had absolutely no idea how they managed to keep this place cold with its size. Bruh, I must make this moneyyyyyy. He couldn't see the face of the person on the stage. Two massive screens showed him. The display seemed as if they pictures were drawn with water. "Crystal clear" couldn't describe it. And the lights... They would change colours. He noticed last week Sunday that the lighting team, ho ma gad, a team dedicated to lights alone!, selected the light colours and how they moved over the place depending on what was going on. High praise would see those lights move faster, cold blue colours streaming the entire place with frenzy. This, Taiwo could confirm, was "atmosphere". God, he knew, loved this.

He was barely in, scanning for a seat, when an user guided him down a couple of steps and lodged him right at the middle of the row, and the centre columns. He barely put his pouch on the seat when the building quaked with the shout of a thousand voices saying "Hallelujah". "The presence of God is here, I can feel it! This place is thick with the atmosphere of the ascending and descending angels of God", the speakers boomed with the moderator's voice. Taiwo knew it was true. He had learned from his papa at school fellowship during his school days that where God is, people would usually be there, and that in most cases, there would be a crowd. That was why he was here.

TEA isn't perfect, but God is here. Pastor Jacob doesn't know about all the things each department was doing that didn't seem very very Christian but he himself is good and he preaches the word well. That's all that matters.

The thought didn't complete when Pastor Miranda walked to the stage. She was the pastor's wife. Her earrings was expensive, her outfit screamed, "godly excellence". Taiwo knew that excellence was the hallmark of the church and everything revolved around it. She was perfect. Anyone who wished to be a godly wife had to be like her, and they wanted to. She wasn't a proud woman like all the other ladies he had heard speak on that stage. She was neither too loud nor quiet. She greeted everyone with a slight bow of her head, showing deference to them despite being the Mother-in-israel of the church. She didn't have to do that, but she did. Taiwo had concluded that she was not faking it.

She lifted her head as if to look at the sky and started, "Your glory fills the air, as we worship in this place...", the piano naturally followed. Taiwo knew the instrumentalists were probably the best in Abuja. He was not worthy of hearing them play.

He loved the song, "I wanna be where you are, in my body, in my being...".

Then he heard a crude guttural scream by the left. It wasn't a human voice. That bit was clear. God had started moving. When he looked to see what it was, he was stunned.