The art of moin-moin

Among all the states I've visited, Lagos has the best food taste hands-down. Now, when I tell you I grew up in Lagos and tasted lots of Lagos food, you should take my opinions on food very seriously.

Sometimes we look at our indigenous foods and their methods and simply think modernising the process gives you the same results. It is the same ideology that birthed using a food processor for pounded yam (and when we told you, you thought it was patriarchy that wants you to be a slave), using a blender for ewedu, and finally using nylon for moin-moin.

My focus for today is moin-moin. I've been eating moi-moi for a long time, but when I started eating moin-moin from Abuja food vendors, my heart almost couldn't take it. You people CANNOT COOK moi-moi.

You boil it because to you anything that isn’t cooked in oil or an air-fryer should be boiled; you put it in nylon because you and cancer have signed an agreement and it respects you; and you – for the love of all that is good – put fowl babies and just any type of fish in it!

Now I'll teach you so that when I buy from you, it tastes so good and I come back. However, I won't focus on the entirety of the process; you have cookbooks for that, and of course, you can make moin-moin (but not very well, else you won't be reading this). Just a few tips:

Soakings

Soak those beans before you grind them. Soak it for at least 4 hours. You don't know, but soaking isn't just beneficial to your health; it is also beneficial to your cooking process:

• Hydrates the beans and helps your ingredients distribute more evenly. Your moin-moin is no longer beans-paste plus ingredients and condiments, but it is much more entwined with your ingredients, making the food one wholesome meal.

• It makes it easier to digest the protein in the beans. Yes, beans is majorly carbohydrates, but there's a reason we thought it was protein. This allows you to absorb that thing easily.

• It reduces bloating and gas

• Helps you peel easily or blend

• It reduces your cooking time. Later, I'll explain why this is very important

• It produces a much creamier and smoother batter. If you've eaten your moin-moin vs your grandma's own, you'll see why yours tastes like soaked, balled-up garri.

Know your ororo

Be deliberate about your choice between vegetable oil and palm oil. The default oil for moin-moin is palm oil and not vegetable oil. I really don't know what dirty Western mentality came in that makes us think palm oil is local and vegetable oil is international. They contribute very very different tastes to food, and you should be deliberate about them.

Palm oil adds a much more richer taste (since it adds its own taste), infuses the moin-moin with fragrance. It makes the moin-moin softer and more moist. Just choose good, quality, unrefined palm oil.

However, if you deliberately want vegetable oil, go for it. Better still, always split your batter into two, use one for one oil variant. See how it tastes.

Use the right protein

Pause for a moment before you put proteins inside, such as fish, eggs, crayfish and so on. You don't just want anyhow protein in your moin-moin. You want one that satisfies these criteria:

• Has the same texture profile and is as soft as the moin-moin itself, so it doesn't stand out too much when biting, till you taste it. Essentially, it is not a distraction.

• Doesn't force its own flavour on the moin-moin and obeys the moin-moin flavour while contributing only very little flavour

• Is easy to cook and doesn't require an extra cooking process

• Is still tasty on its own

By now, you see that several proteins you usually use have been eliminated, leaving a few contenders. But really, I'll save you time and tell you the winner and prime candidate for moin-moin: Sawa (or shawa) fish.

Argue with your keyboard. The real part is that shawa absorbs the taste of literally any soup or food you put it in, much more than Titus and others. Eggs do not absorb moin-moin flavour. You can literally pull out the egg and put it in noodles and not notice a thing. You might as well just serve it separately.

Season like a pro

Fourthly, season carefully. Moin-moin is literally beans. The same way beans is sensitive to salt is the same way moin-moin is sensitive. No, the salt may not come out when you taste the raw batter because beans has a strong flavour. Don't wait till you taste the salt before you stop, it will be too late, and Lot will be hit with PTSD again. Be careful with Maggi too. Dissolve your seasonings in water and use it.

Misc it

Please, by all means, stir that batter. Keep stirring, keep stirring. Stir for about 10 minutes. In fact, when you think it is okay, that's when you know there's more. Moin-moin cannot really be over-stirred. It isn't like wheat that can be sensitive to kneading and mixing. It does several things for you:

• Lets air in. This is very important as you will see later on. It makes your moin-moin fluffier, less dense — it will stop doing 'gbim' when you eat it.
• It emulsifies the oil, that is, it helps the oil mix evenly with the water and the batter itself. You don't want oil separating
• Makes the cooking more even around the moin-moin and produces really creamy moin-moin.

Use leaf

Sixthly, use leaves for your moin-moin and avoid nylon. Leaves are much healthier. There is a specific leaf for moin-moin; I don't know the exact name. Leaves give your moin-moin a much earthier taste, which is something you'll miss if you're not a very detailed eater or student of Nigerian foods. More advantages:

• It adds flavour and aroma. Damn, there's is a feeling when you eat moin-moin that is stuck to the leaf.
• You're literally avoiding nylon, which is actually "soft plastic" in your body. Come on, do you enjoy cancer? Cooking nylon is unsafe to you, and it doesn't even decay for like 500 years! It is safer for the environment. Please stop it! Even if there are safe nylons for cooking moin-moin, I'd rather avoid them. Bruh, THEY ARE STILL PLASTIC!
• Because it is not airtight, it naturally supports the steaming process of cooking moin-moin, which leads me to the next point.

Stop boiling it

Lastly, steam; DO NOT BOIL. I know you boil because you think it is the same and it is easier. Trust me, it is not. If you insist on endangering yourself and using nylon, please skip; I'm only speaking to great cooks here.

Steaming is where all your efforts for mixing and using leaves pay off:

• The moin-moin will cook very, very evenly because the steam is everywhere
• Moin-moin becomes soft and less like soaked garri with small water. Because steam seeps into the cracks of the leaves (this was why I said to use leaves!), it cooks really well and evenly, and the moin-moin becomes fluffier, softer and smoother. Ho ma deiz, it will taste and feel soooo good. The fish will be heavenly, man!
• The flavour of the leaves now begins to seep in and add character and earthiness to the moin-moin.

Tbh, at this point, your moin-moin is premium level. If you follow all these steps, at this point, you've made a gem. You've made a meal that the greatest men do not dare approach with mere admiration, but with grandeur, praise and esteemed honour worthy of grace.

Now if you're skeptical, I want you to try something. Make moin-moin using my steps and then using your steps side-by-side.

Lmao, I'll leave you to the rest.

Sometimes we think because we are modern, we are smarter. These modifications to moin-moin are recent oo. It was literally not common like 20 years ago. Suddenly, we think that methods that our ancestors, grandparents and mothers have perfected over the centuries don't make sense because you have a fine red blender and vegetable oil.

All of these things weren't just traditions; they were methods that consistently provided better and better moin-moin. Traditions do not always survive because people are dogmatic, but because they work.

Please repeat, please repent, please repent. I have shown you tips that I should be charging for, for free. Because if I decide I'm fed up and open a restaurant, you people will not like me. If small 15m jam me and I don't have a yeye app idea in my head, I'm coming for you.

Later, we'll talk about the disgusting way you select and cook ponmo. Ho ma days, I don't get ponmo in restaurants because of you people!